did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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