oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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