you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
