new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
