sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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