I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
