god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
