and next time when you feel me up, do it right
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
