she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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