This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
