sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Randomize
