Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
