ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
