Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
