He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
