I hate all girls vehemently.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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