Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
