So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my sisters under your porch take her home
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
