YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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