Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So squirting runs in the family.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
