nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
