if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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