fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I did not marry a roomba.
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