if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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