he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
