you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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