my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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