i may or may not be watching the land before time
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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