guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
