somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
