Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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