Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
