i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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