what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
