I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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