I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
