Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
