well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We need to get me chipped asap
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
