1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
