he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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