She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
