Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
