were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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