At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
