Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
