Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
