Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
