Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
