i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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