worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
