Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
